Don't be Daft

You Went to School, So Why Are You Still Like This?

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"I'm a product of my environment" is not an excuse to be daft, ehn Segun and Tola. "That is how I was raised" is not a free pass into bad behavior. I recently read this

Day 17: Why Do We Believe the Things We Believe?

about how Nigerians never question anything and how a lot of us have refused to think critically. Instead we choose to regurgitate the vitriol, hate, and disgustingness that has been passed on to us from our parents and society like ruminant animals.

I could go on and on and talk about how Nigerians don't want to think for themselves but rather prefer others to think for them. But I won't. Instead, I'm going to focus on the two types of people I've noticed who never think critically and are upholders of rubbish I.e harmful beliefs and systems of oppression.

1. Those who benefit from these beliefs and systems. (consciously or unconsciously)

2. And those who suffer in the hands of these harmful beliefs and systems of oppression.

When someone says a woman must learn to cook and take care of the home because “how will she get a man?” or “who will marry her?” or even “so she can be a good woman,” we immediately assume that this person is daft and illiterate. But more often than not we find out that this person is not in fact illiterate but is someone that has supposedly gone to school, probably even has a masters degree. (Of course the person is still daft.) We also assume that the person is a man because it is men who will, whether they like it or not benefit from that kind of harmful rhetoric. By getting free labor and a free househelp and a woman who thinks it is her calling to take care of a man.

Now, (as much as it pains me to say this) but not all men say this out loud, seeing as this is big 2025. So if a man is saying this it means he has refused to learn and to grow up and he has refused to think critically and question the beliefs his father probably passed to him.

But if it's a woman that is saying this to another woman. She has also refused to think critically, and to learn, and grow up. She has refused to question why her femininity should be tied to cooking. She has refused to question why her life should be an audition for a man and she has refused to understand that this belief is just a way to control her.

Because of this refusal to question, construct, deconstruct and reconstruct, many Nigerian women carelessly sell the lies of the patriarchy to other women. Men are benefiting from the system(doesn't make it any better, but at least they are gaining.) But as a woman? You are in chains and still selling these chains to other women. In a cage and instead of using the keys to come out you open the door and invite other women in to suffer with you. Shameful.

There is no excuse for any man or woman to be spewing anti-feminist, anti-women, ableist, classist, racist or any other oppressive ideology. Am I saying that there is no room for growth or mistakes? No. But some people don't want to grow. Especially those yeye twitter trolls. They'll be saying rubbish with so much confidence and then you'll try to counter them with hard facts but the cognitive dissonance is too much and they'll just continue spreading their hate like mindless robots. It's sad really, because a lot of them went to school.

I've spewed some disgusting stuff myself but in my defence, I was young. Now I know better.

But that knowledge didn't come easy. I have had to take everything I've ever believed and asked myself, who benefits from me thinking this way and me believing these things? I've had to take my ideologies and think, who are the people getting harmed by my beliefs and why? And finally, I've had to consider, are these beliefs actually mine or just a result of all the years of conditioning from society? The journey was not easy and I'm not done yet. I'm still questioning.

We all are.

At the end of the day, choosing ignorance is a choice. And if you choose to be daft in this era of unlimited access to knowledge, at least have the decency to keep it to yourself.