From 'Not All Men' to 'All Men Can':

Shifting the Narrative and Embracing Collective Responsibility

Have you heard the phrase "not all men"? It's a famous tool used by some sexists and misogynists to divert attention from the bigger issue of widespread misogyny. They make excuses and refuse to acknowledge the experiences of gender inequality faced by many.

As a feminist, whenever I mention that men make up 88% of homicide perpetrators or that 1 in 3 women globally experience physical or sexual violence, some guys immediately become defensive and respond with "not all men." They give me skeptical looks, as if I'm attacking them personally.

I remember a heated argument I had with one of my male friends. I was telling him that some men are sexist and misogynistic, and he kept insisting "not all men." The argument got really intense.

The goal of this article is to challenge the "not all men" rhetoric and urge you, the reader, to think critically about what you're about to read.

The truth is, when feminists say "men," we don't mean you as an individual. We're referring to men as a whole. It's about recognizing the larger problem of systemic sexism.

In simpler terms, you may not have personally denied a woman a promotion because of her gender, but you may have been promoted instead because of your gender. You may not have committed certain actions, but you still benefit from the unfair treatment that others have faced.

So, even if you say, "Oh, I've never treated a woman unfairly or been sexist," as a man, you have still indirectly benefited from the unfair treatment of women. And that's enough reason to acknowledge the collective responsibility.

Now, I understand the need to distance yourself from negative behaviors or the fear of being associated with criminals. But I ask you to pause and reflect. How has it really hurt you when women express their distrust of men or criticize them? Besides your ego being bruised, has it truly caused harm?

Think for a moment. How many men have been harmed by women who criticize men as a group? How many men have been denied opportunities because of stereotypes? What percentage of men have faced revenge porn due to a broken heart? If you think deeply, you'll realize that the impact is minimal.

So, instead of focusing on “not all men”, let’s shift the conversation to how all men can help fight systematic sexism and misogyny.

Furthermore, it’s not only by denying a woman a promotion that you can be sexist. It’s not only by perpetrating gender-based violence that you can be a misogynist.

Sexism comes in all forms, shapes and sizes. It can come in the form of watching a woman being denied a promotion because of her gender and not speaking up.

It can also come in the form of sharing sexist jokes or turning a blind eye when you see your friends sharing sexist jokes.

Many men may claim, "I don't personally engage in sexist behavior," yet they fail to acknowledge the influence they have in shaping the attitudes and actions of those around them. By remaining silent or complicit when confronted with sexism, they indirectly contribute to the perpetuation of harmful gender norms.

Sharing sexist jokes even if its as “harmless” banter, is extremely damaging as it trivializes the very important issues of gender inequality and gender-based violence.

It also creates environments where sexism, the belittling and objectification of women can grow and flourish.

By participating in such behavior or failing to address it, you inadvertently validate and perpetuate the very systems of oppression you claim not to support.

To truly challenge the “not all men” rhetoric it is important for you as a man to call out sexism when you see it even in casual, laid back situations and even if the sexism is coming from your friends and family.

Now, I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. Hell, it might even put a strain on your relationships. I’m a feminist, I would know. I’ve fought with many of my friends because of seemingly “little things”.

However, if truly you claim its “not all men” then you’ll never ever turn a blind eye to sexism. No matter how little.

I fully believe that men have it in them to be feminists. In the words of one of my favorite authors “you don’t become a feminist; you are born a feminist. No one is born believing that women deserve less rights, the patriarchy teaches us that.” - Farida.D

And she isn’t wrong. If you can learn sexism and misogyny, surely you can unlearn it.

At the end of the day, challenging the not all men rhetoric requires work and introspection. It's not enough to distance ourselves from sexist behavior; we must actively work towards dismantling the systems that perpetuate gender inequality. It's time for men to embrace their role as allies, to call out sexism in all its forms, and to foster a culture that respects and values the rights of all genders. Together, we can create a world where no woman has to fight for her basic rights and where gender equality is truly realized.