Gen Z Women: Changing the Game, Flipping the Script
As feminists, we are often told that we are too radical, too angry, too demanding. But is this really true? Or are we simply misunderstood by those who fail to see the injustice and oppression behind our resistance?
As a Gen Z Nigerian woman, living in Nigeria, I've been told multiple times that what the elder can see sitting, the child cannot see standing. This saying is used by patriarchal older people to claim that they know more than young people and that they should be followed and obeyed blindly.
Don't get me wrong, I admit that there is a certain wisdom that comes with aging, but there is also a certain ignorance and complacency that older people have. A lack of awareness and a resistance to change that is detrimental to the progress of any society.
They like to tell us that we're too radical and we're too angry because we don't want to submit. Even up till now, we still hear stories of women who are suffering in their marriages and they are commended because "marriage is not a bed of roses"
One of my friends,Ladi, told me that her mum tells her stories of how her parents used to tell her that she would make a good wife as though her life was an audition to be a wife and how she has it easy. Our parents tell us these stories in order for us to know that we are privileged and we shouldn't complain.
Yet, it's an indication of how society had failed the older generation when they were younger. Yes, I get it surviving through abusive and inhabitable environments is a flex to a lot of people. It be giving I came, I saw, and I conquered vibes. But, a lot of them don't think about the fact that there are consequences, trauma responses that accompany the survival of such environments.
Our mothers had to parent themselves and their younger ones. They had to endure abuse and oppression all in the name of being "good women". They were taught to hate their bodies, they were taught that men were the ultimate prize that they must strive to get at all costs.
They never had the liberty of choosing and making decisions for themselves, their lives were planned from conception(my daughter will take care of me in her old age, my daughter will marry a rich man to bring us out of poverty etc) not even minding that that was not what they wanted.
And so, they think to themselves "if I survived my abusive parents without complaint, how dare my child open up their mouth to complain."; "If my parents never saw me as a full human being, and recognized my autonomy as a person, who is this child to have an opinion of their own that differs from mine."
I'm sure we've all seen these memes and weird exaggerations of how the Gen Z claim that everything affects their mental health. And how everything is child abuse. In a way, I think it's an avenue to mock and shame the younger generation for recognizing patterns of abuse and trying to fix them.
I don't know what's going through the older generation's minds, but I assume that it is like "If I endured this in the hands of my parents and came out okay-I mean I'm successful and married and I have kids, -why won't my children take this training that I'm giving them."
Can I just say that the definition of success has changed drastically? The younger generation is redefining what success means to them. It's no more have a good job, get married and have kids. It's now travel the world if I want to. Travel the world with kids if I want to. Don't have kids. Have tons of kids. Everyone is defining what success means to them.
Also, that belief that the older generation has, that they endured many sufferings and came out okay is very erroneous. We have lots of adults walking around with a lot of anger and hurt and trauma all unhealed. And they don't even know it, and most of them have refused to look inwards and do the work. Mental health, what is that to most Nigerian adults? And so, when the younger generation is doing the work and healing their inner child, they make fun of them and make memes.
But we are not deterred by their mockery or their criticism. We know better than to follow the same patterns that caused us pain. We know better than to settle for less than we deserve or compromise our happiness for others’ expectations. We know better than to ignore our emotions or suppress our creativity. We know better than to let society define us or limit us.
Society has failed the older generation in many ways, especially women who faced multiple forms of discrimination and violence based on their gender. They were denied access to education, health care, legal rights, economic opportunities, political participation, and personal autonomy. They were subjected to harmful practices such as female genital mutilation (FGM), child marriage, domestic violence, rape, sexual harassment, and widowhood rites.
They were expected to obey their husbands or fathers without question, bear children without choice, perform domestic chores without pay, and endure suffering without complaint. They were silenced, marginalized, oppressed, and exploited by a patriarchal system that valued them less than men.
We are different from our parents’ generation, not because we are radical or angry or demanding, but because we are resilient and courageous. We are different because we value personal growth, mental well-being, and work-life balance. We are different because we focus on experiences and individuality rather than materialism and conformity. We are different because we break free from traditional norms and gender roles that limited the choices of previous generations, especially for women.
We are different because we dare to dream and pursue our passions, regardless of what society expects from us. We are different because we embrace our diversity and celebrate our uniqueness, rather than hiding or conforming to fit in. We are different because we respect ourselves and our boundaries, rather than sacrificing or compromising for others' approval.
As women and feminists, we are finally getting the freedom to make our own choices as women that they never had. It’s true that sometimes older women are unsupportive of younger women. They pressure them about when they’re going to get married, ask them why they don’t have kids, and basically question all their non-traditional choices. All choices that they never had the liberty to make. They don't realize that we have more opportunities and options than they did. They don't realize that we have more power and agency than they did.
The older generation likes to boast about how the rate of divorce was lower in their time. But was it really a sign of success, or a result of oppression? Many women sacrificed their dreams, hopes, and aspirations to “keep the family together.” So of course, divorce rates were lower then. Now, more women are getting divorced. And we applaud their courage! **We admire their decision to leave unhealthy or unhappy relationships, and to choose themselves over others' opinions. We admire their willingness to start over and rebuild their lives, and to find happiness on their own terms. We admire their strength and independence, and their refusal to settle for less than they deserve.
In a presentation to the American Sociological Association, researchers report that women are more likely than men to ask for a divorce. The results came from an analysis of the aptly named “How Couples Meet and Stay Together” survey, collected from 2,262 adults with opposite-sex partners who answered questions about their relationship status between 2009 and 2015. Women initiated 69% of divorces, compared to 31% of men.
^1 This suggests that women are more willing to end unhappy or abusive relationships, and more confident in pursuing their own happiness and well-being. This also shows that women are more aware of their needs and desires, and more assertive in expressing them. This also shows that women are more capable of handling change and uncertainty, and more adaptable in finding new opportunities. This also shows that women are more courageous in breaking free from traditional norms, and more visionary in creating new possibilities.
: Rosenfeld, Michael J., Reuben J. Thomas, and Sonia Hausen. 2015. “Women’s Independence and Divorce Initiation in Contemporary Cohorts.” Paper presented at American Sociological Association Annual Meeting, Chicago.
Some of the non-traditional choices that we make as women and feminists include pursuing careers in fields that are traditionally dominated by men, such as science, technology, engineering, or mathematics (STEM), or fields that are traditionally undervalued by society, such as arts, humanities, or social sciences. Some of us choose to remain single or childfree by choice, or to have alternative forms of relationships or families, such as polyamory, co-parenting, or adoption.
Some of us choose to engage in activism and advocacy for causes that matter to us, such as feminism, environmentalism, human rights, or social justice. Some of us choose to explore our creativity and spirituality in ways that enrich our lives and connect us with ourselves and others.
As we continue to redefine success and challenge societal norms, it becomes clear that our generation values more than just material accomplishments. We prioritize emotional well-being, personal growth, and authentic connections. We don’t want to live a life of misery and regret, but a life of joy and fulfillment. We don’t want to follow the crowd, but to follow our hearts. We don’t want to be trapped in cycles of suffering, but to break free and create a better future for ourselves and others.
However, it’s essential to recognize that we are not alone in this pursuit. Open dialogue and understanding between generations can bridge the gap and foster empathy. We must extend our compassion to those who came before us and understand that their experiences shaped their perspectives.
Just as we seek validation for our struggles, they, too, yearn for acknowledgment of their sacrifices and resilience. How can we judge them for what they did or didn’t do, when we don’t know what they went through? How can we expect them to understand us, when we don’t try to understand them? How can we build a better future together, when we don’t learn from the past?
The benefits of open dialogue and understanding between generations for women and feminists are significant. When older women share their experiences and wisdom, younger women gain valuable insights and ideas to tackle modern challenges. Together, they can create powerful movements advocating for women's rights, leading to progress in areas like gender-based violence, reproductive rights, and workplace equality.
Sharing resources and strategies equips women of all ages to navigate a patriarchal society more effectively. Older women offer advice on overcoming barriers, while younger women bring in fresh approaches using modern tools and platforms.
Intergenerational solidarity creates a sense of sisterhood, breaking down barriers between women of different ages. It fosters a supportive community where all voices are valued, encouraging women to pursue their dreams fearlessly.
By embracing open dialogue and collaboration, we build a strong foundation for the future of feminism. We honor the legacy of older feminists and empower younger activists to challenge patriarchal structures, working towards a world where all women can thrive, irrespective of age or background.