The Bible and Rape Culture (I)

The men who failed Tamar.

I grew up Christian and I still go to church. I vaguely remember the story of Tamar being taught in Sunday school—it was a cautionary tale told to the girls, warning them to be careful not to enter a man's private abode. There was never any mention of "don't rape" to the guys though, but that's a conversation for another day.

I had a conversation with an acquaintance about how the Bible portrays rape and rape victims, and that got me digging. So, in the next couple of weeks or months, I'll be looking at different women who were raped or almost raped in the Bible and analyzing how the victims were portrayed and how the issue was handled. And I'll be starting with Tamar.

The story of Tamar's rape by her half-brother can be found in 2 Samuel 13:1-22, but I recommend reading to the very end.

The Players in Tamar’s Tragedy

Tamar, the daughter of David, has a brother, Absalom, and a half-brother, Amnon. According to the NIV translation, Amnon fell in love with his half-sister but because she was a virgin, he could not do anything to her.

First red flag. The implication that if a woman is not a virgin, she is up for grabs and that she has no value is seen here.

So, because Amnon was so sick from "love," his advisor Jonadab noticed and asked him what was wrong. Amnon explained, and the oh-so-wise advisor gave him a plan, and this monster went along with it.

The Conspiracy Against Tamar

Jonadab advised Amnon to pretend to be ill to get the attention of his father, David. Amnon would then tell his father that he wanted his sister Tamar to serve him, and once she was there, he would send everyone away and rape her. This was their very elaborate plan.

Now, the Bible did not explicitly state that he would rape her after sending everyone out, but why else would you lie and, you know, send everyone out if you had pure intentions? Some might argue that it was to seduce her, but since when does one pretend to be vulnerable and ill to seduce a woman?

The Act of Violence

Amnon follows his advisor’s advice, and it works. But when he tries to ask Tamar to sleep with him, she refuses. He rapes her anyway. She begs him not to disgrace her like that and even suggests marriage instead. But we all know he doesn’t love her—he sees her as a conquest and a commodity. A thing to be used and discarded.

This becomes even more evident when the Bible states that after he rapes her, he hates her more than he ever "loved" her.

He is the first man who fails Tamar.

The Men Who Failed Tamar

Absalom: The Brother Who Defended the Rapist

Obviously, Tamar is devastated, weeping because she has just been raped by a man she trusted. And here’s what Absalom, her full brother, had to say:

"Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart."

Ahhhhhh, "don’t take this thing to heart" ke? She has been raped and traumatized, and yet here you are defending her abuser, talking about "he is your brother." Like that makes it any better? Even if he were her husband, as her brother aren’t you meant to be on her side?

The fact that Absalom is seen as one of the good guys in this story is baffling to me. Because he most definitely is not a good guy.

David: The Silent Enabler

The third man who fails Tamar in this story is David, her father. The Bible records that he was angry, but he did nothing. No action. No consoling of Tamar. No punishment for Amnon. Absolutely nothing. But if it’s to kill someone else’s husband, he is active. His silence and inaction speak volumes. David was an enabler of rape, and he definitely didn’t love his daughter.

Absalom’s Revenge and David’s Hypocrisy

Fast forward two years later, and Absalom kills Amnon because of what he did to Tamar. Still doesn’t make him a good guy, though.

Now, David mourns Amnon. He has the audacity to be sad for the rapist of his daughter. You might argue that Amnon was also his son, but any son of mine that is a rapist ceases to be my son. It’s really simple. (God forbid sha.)

Tamar’s Erasure from the Narrative

The whole story is just sad and a perfect example of how victims are erased from the narrative. Tamar's pain is ignored, but instead, the focus is placed on Absalom as a hero. How fucked up is that?

After Amnon is killed, the story completely moves on from Tamar like she is insignificant. There is no mention of her survival, how she coped, or anything. The Bible was truly written by men and for men.

And David, the supposed "man after God’s heart," let his daughter’s rapist go unpunished. Omo, that says a lot about the Christian God.

The Church and Its Culture of Silence

If this is the precedent set for Christians, it is no wonder that they protect abusers and rapists parading as pastors and fellowship leaders.

They say, "touch not my anointed," meaning don’t talk bad about a man of God. What kind of God has rapists and pedophiles as his men? And what kind of person does that make you—a person who follows a religion where abuse is covered up because they are "men of God"?

There is no mention anywhere about Tamar as a strong, resilient woman. Instead, weak, spineless men like David are praised and worshipped. David, who killed a man, let his daughter’s rapist go unpunished, is God’s favorite because he knows how to apologize. The fact that no one even sees David’s inaction as a sin is worrying and says a lot about Christian morality.

A Question for the Church

If Tamar’s story happened in the church of today, and David was the pastor, what would the church do?