Why Can’t Women Chase Love?

Why Women Deserve to Make the First Move Too

Women are expected to be demure, cutesy, and mindful.

But as I’ve said many times before, women are diverse creatures, and there is no right way to be a woman.

This is a case in point:

I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but women who chase men are seen as cheap, sluts, immoral, loose and did I mention cheap?

Meanwhile, men who chase women are seen as manly, masculine, alpha males, apex predators… You get my drift. If you aren’t seeing the double standard, you should probably wash your eyes with soap.

Because what do you mean, if I like a guy, I can’t seduce him? I can’t woo him? I can’t send him flowers?

Haaaaaa, ewo!

I mean, I can; no one is holding my hands or tying my legs. But at what risk? So that other women can call me cheap? Or so that guys can use me to “catch cruise”?

On the other hand, I don’t live for people. I live for me. So I’ll damn well chase any man I want to chase.

But not all women can afford to do that. Maybe because reputation matters a lot in their careers, or perhaps because it’s not safe. Either way, no woman should be forced to wait for a man to chase her if she does not want to wait.

I remember, during my early days, I took a survey asking guys if they did not mind being wooed by a woman. A lot of them did not mind. But that’s a small pool of guys to make a definite conclusion from.

If you’d like to listen to the full results (it’s a podcast episode) you can click below:

What exactly am I trying to say? Women are constantly performing femininity. We are always being told to act shy when a guy is talking to us, and to smile.

Even young girls are not excluded from this indoctrination. It starts early, as girls as young as five are told to act “ladylike”—which is really just another way of saying don’t be too loud, don’t take up too much space. And what happens when women don’t follow these unspoken rules? They’re immediately labelled.

If a woman dares to step outside the script—maybe by being too confident, too direct, or showing any signs of being in control—society is quick to slap her with a label. “Cheap,” “desperate,” “too forward.” These words aren’t just insults; they’re tools meant to control how we behave, forcing us to shrink ourselves to fit an outdated mold.

Meanwhile, men who exhibit the exact same behavior—being forward, confident, or taking the lead—are praised. They’re seen as “alpha males” or “go-getters.” It’s the classic double standard that’s been used to limit women’s choices and keep us in check. Pop culture is full of examples of this: think about how movies and music often portray men who chase women as romantic heroes, while women who do the same are portrayed as desperate or clingy.

And it’s not fair. It’s not fair that women are expected to act a certain way. If a woman is not naturally the smiling type or the demure kind, then she will be expected to shrink and conform to fit into a mold.

This can lead to low self-esteem and anxiety. I mean, that’s what happens when we constantly tell women that who they fundamentally are, isn’t good enough.

So, let’s let go of this idea that women can’t be assertive, especially when it comes to romantic relationships, dating and love.

Ask yourself the question, why do I care if a woman chases a man?

At the end of the day, there's no rulebook for how a woman should behave in love or life. Whether she chooses to sit back or make the first move, it's her choice, and no one has the right to shame her for it.

So ask yourself, why do we still cling to these outdated rules about who should chase who? Maybe it’s time we stop letting society dictate how we love and live—and start writing our own rules.

So go ahead, send the flowers, make the first move, or don’t—just remember, it's your life and your call. You don’t have to shrink or wait; you're allowed to take up space and go after what you want.