The Women Who Changed Me:

A Love Letter to Female Friendships

I don’t have many friends, and my best friend is a guy. I went to an all-girls school for six years, yet I didn’t value female friendships. That was in part because of my experience being bullied and encountering a living, breathing archetype of the mean girl, Queen Bee's high school clique.

Looking back, I don’t blame them, I blame the patriarchy. I’ve talked about it online before - how I was a pick-me girl, one of the male friends are better than female friends people - but I’ve never talked about the women that made me start believing in female friendships.

I remember how I used to, and still, see posts online of women celebrating their girlfriends. I remember thinking to myself, what are these women talking about, because me, I cannot relate. I remember saying to myself, “I’m sure having a female bestie is not all that” Oh boy, how wrong I was. Having female friends is everything they say it is and more.

I’ve made quite a few friends in my life, but some have impacted me profoundly. My very first friend in my second year of high school was Olaoluwa. I can’t talk about impact, friendships or growth without mentioning her.

You see, Olaoluwa is one of the funniest, most interesting and most real person I have ever met. She introduced me to being a feminist and unknowingly set the groundwork for the kind of person I am now. She was always there for me, I talked to her about anything and everything. Ola was my first example of what it meant to have a fellow girl looking out for you.

Ola and I met in Jss2, I was a new student at our school, and the first thing I remember was her telling me that I had big boobs. She is crazy like that.

Ola was the ball of yarn, and I was the cat. She was the honey and I was the bee. I’m trying to explain just how much Ola meant to me. How much she fascinated and interested me.

Another friend of mine who has profoundly impacted me is Adesubomi. She is the sweetest, most adorable, nicest, best person I have ever met. She is the kind of person that you see, and you just want to hug. She is like a breath of fresh air. Such a bubbly person doesn’t deserve to be harmed ever. (not that anyone deserves to be harmed. But you get the gist.)

She didn’t give me any aha moments or teach me anything new, but she makes me happy. I enjoy being around her and I cherish every moment spent with her. And I know very well that I’d do anything for her, as she will for me.

Subumbum, as I fondly call her, is the type of friend you always want to be on your team.

Olaoluwa and Subumbum made my secondary school memorable. But they weren’t going to follow me to university.

In Uni, I was diagnosed and sailing uncharted territory with the reality of having to deal with an illness. I was scared and alone. My best friend was all the way in Ekiti and I felt so alone.

Cue, my 100-level first-semester roommates. Gloria, Nancy and Oladunni. They made me believe in myself and my ability to make friends.

Gloria and Nancy took me under their wings and took care of me. They held my hands while I cried and learnt how to deal with my new illness. They represent, for me, everything female friendships stand for.

And then, there was Dunni, while Nancy and Gloria were like my older sisters, Dunni felt more like the fun sibling. Making sure I socialised and had fun, introducing me to new people and just getting me out of the room. Oladunni introduced me to my school’s social life. She was the person I could go to if I ever needed a cuddle. Or a soft body to lie on.

But life happened and my roommates and I drifted apart. This introduced the loneliest time of my life.

Caramel came into my life at a time when I was thirsty for platonic affection. She is my course mate. I honestly can not, for the life of me, remember how we became such close friends. But Caramel is just this person that I know will tell it to me like it is. She is a cup of crazy, two cups of funny, one spoon of spunk and a fiery spirit mixed with a sprinkle sprinkle of kindness and beauty. Caramel is just THAT girl.

We have very similar values, although if I were a sweet treat like ice cream she’d be a cup of hot spicy noodles we are just different like that but somehow, it just works.

All in all, in one way or the other, these friendships have found me at moments when I needed them the most. They have challenged my beliefs that female friendships are a hassle and that male friends are so much better.

No male friend will hold you in their arms on the bed whilst you cry because it’d be too “sexual”. No male friend will get the pain of menstrual cramps. No male friend will understand what it means to be a woman living in a world that hates women, a world designed by men, for men.

Shout out to all my other female friends whom I couldn’t mention, Talitha, for being my book buddy and always encouraging me and just getting it.

Ella, for being my walking partner and my small mummy. I love you.

And to every other woman who has made an impact in my life. Thank you.

And to you, dear girl thinking that female friendships are not all that or thinking that they’re a hassle, I promise you it’s worth it. Female friends are worth it. Maybe you’ve never been burned by a male friend because you’ve never been close enough.