Cheating Is 'Natural for Men' - And Other Bullshit They Teach in Classrooms

When your beliefs make you the outsider, and why that’s not a bad thing.

Photo by Mika Ruusunen on Unsplash

Obviously, I knew that it was possible to be educated yet extremely stupid. I should have known when I first heard that a man as celebrated for being smart as Aristotle was misogynistic. It was then that my head shoulda clicked. But no. Silly me and benefit of the doubt and seeing the best in people.

Anywho,

Oyin Osikoya

asked me this question:

And I remembered my class and my school. Each time I'm in this school I feel like I don't belong. Every second I spend interacting with people here I'm always reminded that omo, Ayo, these people are really stupid. And this is not me even trying to be pretentious or self righteous. These people are legit spewing rubbish with their full chest.

So, a time where I felt like I didn't belong in a space because of my feminist beliefs is basically every other class I have. I'm an English major, and of course when doing literature courses some controversial topics are sure to come up and it seemed like everyone else around me was agreeing with my very, need I say stupid lecturers.

Sure they know critical discourse theory, and contemporary African drama and all that but of what use is it if they're unable to challenge their own outdated beliefs and learn. Like really learn.

It was in Discourse Analysis class. And my lecturer got into the class, did the usual till it became unusual. She somehow brought up the issue of cheating specifically the issue of cheating in marriage. Me I don't know how cheating relates to discourse rank scale but okay.

My lecturer, a woman, the HOD and a ‘role model’ for about 15 impressionable young girls in my class at least said and I quote.

“It is in the nature of men to cheat.”

She obviously said a whole lot of bull and I made sure to write it down. If I thought you all could read my handwriting I'd have pasted the image here.

Nevertheless, she claimed that she had been married for a while now and that she was still married so obviously that puts her in the best position to give us marriage advice.

She said that if our husband cheats on us we should not use ‘negativity’ on him. We should bring him back home with gentle corrections. Because what if the other woman used juju or love potion on him? God forbid a man actually has a brain of his own.

She also said that your husband loves you even if he cheats and that we should do everything in our power to get our husband back to us and not let anyone to take our home/husband.

To top it all off, she used the bible to support her claims. Like that makes them any less stupid. She said that in the bible every man that god helped was polygamous and that god still loves polygamous men. She even cited an example of a man that left his maid - who he cheated with - to be killed. According to our dearest PhD holder, it shows that he loves his wife. After all he gave up the woman he cheated on to death and not his own wife. Ohhh what a love😍.

She said a whole lot of other bull that I can't remember but these are just the ones I was able to write down.

And as she was saying all this, in my mind I was like, wow. Upon all these degrees you still no get sense. I know she's my elder and all but I can't bring myself to respect her after that.

Notice how she didn't extend the same advice to men if their wives ever cheated on them. After all, ‘women are not wired that way.’

The worst part is, as she was saying it, my course mates were agreeing with her. And I'm like ahhhhhh! Are we not all hearing the same thing? To their credit, they didn't agree with everything at least not all of them. But still. Nothing she said that day made sense. It was all a cocktail of stupidity, tone deafness and an unwillingness to use one’s brain and dare I say it, religious cognitive dissonance.

And there was me wondering and questioning my life choices. Who sent me to come to a Christian university? Who cursed me with being born in Nigeria? Who said I should come to class today?

I was so shocked sha. Because what do you mean that a whole head of department is excusing cheating in men in big 2025. If this is what it means to be educated or have a PhD abeg count me out. I'm illiterate.

So yes

Oyin Osikoya

i have felt like I didn't belong because of my feminist beliefs. This is just one instance. I usually handle it by writing and by talking to my feminist friends to remind myself that I'm not mad abeg, it's them.

I know how hard it is to feel like ya the only one seeing the truth here. Sometimes you start to even question yourself and your beliefs because it seems like everyone else is thinking another thing.

But no fear. It's not you, it's them. (as cliché as that sounds).

Anyway, these days I've accepted that standing alone is better than sitting comfortably in a crowd of foolishness. If feminism makes me an outcast in spaces like this, then so be it. I'd rather be mad with sense than normal with stupidity.